Picking only 5 of what must be thousands of gaffes by Italy’s legendary Prime Minister is possibly the most difficult decisions I’ve had to make since deciding what to eat for breakfast*.  Combining sackloads of corruption allegations, conflicts-of-interest, mafia links (*allegedly, lawyers) with what amounts to comedy genius, here’s a tip-of-the-iceberg rundown of our favorite Silvio Berlusconi moments.  See our picks after the jump.

5.  Don’t think of it as a disaster, think of it as camping.

April’s earthquake devastated the city of L’Aquila and the surrounding towns and villages.  Claiming 260 lives, tens of thousands were made homeless.  Silvio was interviewed and sagely advised the displaced victims to “see it like a weekend of camping.”  Fair point.  Don’t use that spade to move rubble and search for survivors. Pass it here, and find us a bucket because we’re off to the beach in a minute.  Damned if I’m not going to get some kind of holiday out of this.

4.  Am I going to get in trouble if I call this guy a Nazi?  Maybe.

In July 2003, one day after taking over the rotating presidency of the EU Council of Ministers, Silvio got in a bit of bother with the German SPD MEP Martin Schulz regarding his domestic policy and his alleged links to the Mafia. Drawing on all the wisdom and experience of a Statesman, Silvio came out with: “Mr Schulz, I know a movie producer in Italy who is making a movie about Nazi concentration camps. I suggest you play the role of a Kapo. You are perfect for the part!”  Germany was rather unimpressed.  I don’t see what the problem is.  Silvio was offering that guy a part in a movie!  Although sharper individuals may recognise traces of irony in that statement.  See below.

3.  Mussolini was misunderstood.

As any comedian will tell you, there is nothing funnier than apologising for fascism.  In 2003, during an interview for Spectator magazine, Berlusconi claimed that Mussolini had been a benign dictator who didn’t murder opponents but sent them “on holiday”.  Yea, he sent them off with a packed lunch and Ambre Solaire.  “Have you been to the loo before we set off?” Of course I have!  Actually, hold on.

2.  My childrens’ birthdays are boring.  But this model’s 18th looks pretty good.

In the last few days it emerged that Silvio attended model Noemi Letizia’s 18th birthday in Naples, having not attended his own daughters’ birthdays, prompting his wife of 19 years, Veronica Lario to issue divorce proceedings.  It’s reported that (a) he gave her a gold necklace and a signed photograph (classy) and (b) she calls him “daddy” (not classy).

But surely Lario must be used to it by now.  Two years ago, Berlusconi had to apologise to his wife publicly after telling the TV starlet Mara Carfagna: “If I weren’t married, I would marry you immediately.” Carfagna is now minister for equal opportunities.  Priceless.  And what?  He said “If I wasn’t married, I’d marry you”.  He kept his word, he didn’t marry her.  He probably just slept with her.

1.  This.

I have no words.

*I had toast by the way.