One of the most daunting aspects of online dating (once you’ve finally joined a site and got things upand running) is moving your encounters off the internet and into the real world. The transition fromfriendly, flirty emails and chats to full on face to face meeting is a huge leap, and can understandablybe a bit too overwhelming for some; the anxiety that ensues can even ruin what might have beenan otherwise successful date. We all get the heebie-jeebies sometimes, and who can honestly saythey’ve never felt like their nerves have got the better of them at some point?Flirt.com has recognised this all too common scenario as one of the main obstacles to people findingsuccess with online dating and has come up with a couple of smart solutions to make things a littleeasier for its users.Talk Live gives singles the ability to chat over the phone without surrendering any contact details tothe other party; it’s completely secure and safe, and provides a great way to get that little bit morefamiliar with someone before meeting up for a date.For all the procrastinators out there, Flirt.com offers the ‘Meet Me Today’ service. If you’re the typewho often talks themselves out of taking any risks by getting caught up in the ‘ifs’ and ‘buts’ of anypotential encounter, then ‘Meet Me Today’ could be just what you need. ‘Meet Me Today’ lets youorganise impromptu dates for a date and time that you are free and advertises your availability andintentions to match you up with someone with a similar plan and schedule.All dating involves a bit of risk taking to get the best result, but with the help of Flirt.com you can nowapproach the object of your desires with a little bit more confidence or just allow yourself to get caughtup in the heat of the moment and see where it takes you!

Alright?  Yep, like some sneaky Viet Cong I’m creeping up behind you with an update-grenade to toss into your roundeye helicopter. There are literally tens of you who are eager to know what I’ve been doing since the site was put to sleep in a dignified ceremony about this time last year.  Well, here’s the lowdown.  I’ve been here, on the internet.  Pretty much all that time.  Just buggering around on the internet.  Weird huh?

I loved Scumbag more than I can describe, though, in a way, I just have.  So I was pleased to see traffic over the last year pick up; search and stuff, which came a bit late to the party, and hadn’t really kicked off when the site was active.  For some time, and particularly now, when the world’s press are convinced that Kim Jong Il is dead and North and South Korea are going to war, a couple of posts, and particularly pictures become rather popular.  I’m referring to this one in particular of Kim Jong Il.  It’s being viewed at a rapidly increasing rate every day – which on one hand is great, but on the other hand is a shame as there really aren’t any jokes in there.  If I’d stopped to think about it I could have put that zinger I’ve been saving about the DPRK being all crappy and broken down, and, well you can fill in the gaps.

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When one’s last update contains the word “Christmas” in the title, I think that’s a fair indicator of neglect as far as maintaining this thing is concerned.  Jesus is it a drag.  Like a disabled relative.  Anyway, I’m not going to ship it off to some Swiss hotel room just yet, but I’m not going to babble on about anything in particular either.  The fact is I have about 100 (*divide by 10 for actual number) things that are more important to do, but I’m already at the keyboard and seeing some nonsense written on the page will trick my brain into satisfaction at a task completed, just long enough for me to reward myself with some leisure time.  In fact, just reading that back has justified a purchase of some new trousers.  I’ve just come back from the shops by the way.  And you’d never have known that I’d been away, such is the awesome power of the internet.  I’m even eating a banana behind this screen and you’d never know.  What to know something?  I just made that up!  I’m not eating anything at all.

Anyway, I suppose there is something that has been praying on my mind for a while, and that’s anti-banker sentiment.  Yea yea, so they have huge bonuses, sometimes they can sound a bit wanky, and yea, they in part contributed to the financial crisis.  But ask any self-assured bank-basher and they can’t give you a reason exactly why these pinstriped super-villains are so deserving of condemnation.  The almost sickeningly predictable result is tax!  Yay, tax fixing everything!  No, wait, aren’t we usually really angry at how much we get taxed?  Oh, no, wait it’s the bankers.  They can afford it.  Compared to me.  But when I get taxed, compared to the poorest and most disadvantaged people in my country, not to mention the world, maybe I can afford it too, but that Sky subscription isn’t going to pay itself, you know?  And so, our feeling of collective yet ultimately ironic indignation has culminated in a campaign for the “Robin Hood Tax”.  Where *the fuck* can I start with this.  You know what, I’ll just say this, because when it comes down to it, this is all people really care about.  There’s a tax on all speculative transactions the banks make: derivatives, currency, etc.  Prices rise as markets adjust or surcharges are made to the end consumer.  Your pension will be worth less.  Your holidays will cost more.  Commodities will cost more.  You’ll have less money in your pocket, just like if you’d been taxed yourself.  Not to mention the fact that it’ll be yet more damage to the UK’s standing as a financial centre, that at it’s height contributed 1/3 of our GDP.  Yay!  Robin Hood, Robin Hood!

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Hello all, Happy Jesusfest.  Important I feel, to remember that this whole bloody thing is celebrating Jesus.  And the time, long ago, when he and Santa were locked in mortal battle for galactic supremacy.  Jesus ended up being frozen in a glacier, only to be unlocked from his watery prison when the giant crabs finally descend from the heavens to reek their final judgement.

Since we’ve last spoken I’ve developed a sinister obsession with what I shall now call “kitchen heroin”.  Seemingly innocuous, but potent enough to default even the most materially contented human being to a total junkie.  Not even a good, glamorous, artistic junkie.  A pathetic consumer of espresso cups, garlic crushers; all that stuff.  And that’s me.  Mugging my own great grandmother for pennies to get my hands on an Alessi milk jug in the shape of a banana.

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Hello internets.  Yes, this is an update as promised.  Frankly, I’m of such low morals that I considered bailing on you totally and running off to Casablanca with a hooker, but my conscience got the better of me.  STUPID CONSCIENCE.  Anyway, in the last week or so, I’ve been reminding myself of how little I know about law (mega-hint: what I’m doing right now relates to law.  Also, I’m not being convicted of a criminal offense.  Yet.)  So what to write about?  What has been going on?  I’ve genuinely disconnected from many if-not-all of the usual outlets I used to rely upon for tips and tid bits.  But I couldn’t help but go into massive grumbling 50-y.o. mode when I read a couple of days ago about the existence of a £1000 train ticket.  Read more after the jump.

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Things have been super slow on here this week, for which apologies.  I know how you all get when you’re not getting your fix of hilarious commentary and luxury offerings.  I know.  Shhhhhh.  It’s ok.  I know.

Normal programming will resume next week on monday.  Why not treat yourself for the remainder of the week.  I don’t know, go outside or something.

Made of grade-1 titanium, resin, and neodymium (is that a real material?), this Intelligent Design Bluetooth mouse is $1200.  I literally can’t care at all enough to crack wise about it.  It’s not going to change the world.  But, you know, no harm was done either.  Because usually to get in the mood for a snarky post I have to discharge all my feelings of love and compassion by tickling a kitten to death.  Back garden’s looking mighty full about now.  More here.

This is truly fantastic.  Featuring 42-inch LCD TVs and car batteries, these working iPhone Halloween costumes come from two dudes called Reko and John.  Everything in this video makes me smile, from the Euro House soundtrack to the acute self-awareness of the two that this may well be both the very most and least cool thing they’ll ever do.

Sorry thing have been so slow off the mark today.  Spent the entire morning on the phone to HSBC.  As I tried to explain just one of the myriad ironies of the bafflingly contradictory way in which modern banks operate, I swear this woman only understood the word “letter”.  So she concluded the conversation with “So would you like me to send you a letter summarizing what we’ve spoken about today?  Would that be helpful?”  Yes, please.  Can you also explain to me some other things, like what money iz.  Because I don’t understand it.  Nor do I understand law or economics.  In fact I’m a complete retard.  Good job I’ve got you monkeys handling my finances, eh.  Anyway, from the ridiculous to the sublime.  What do pets love more than a good comfy lie down?  That’s right, they love cinema.  Dogs, cats, rabbits, they all love a good movie.  In fact, my friend’s dog, Muffin is going to be reviewing the new Sam Taylor-Wood movie later this week for the site.  Seriously.  Now that I’ve said that, I’ve got to follow through.  This thing is called the CinePetLounger.  As a side note, you shouldn’t be giving a dog popcorn like that, unless you want it to poo what will look like a BMX handle grip.  Read more after the jump.

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Hey guys.  About to drop some poker knowledge on you.  Ready?  Here’s 5 facts about poker you almost certainly didn’t know:

1.  Poker was responsible for President Nixon.  During World War II, Nixon won $6000 playing poker in his first months in the Navy. His winnings were used to fund his first campaign for congress.  After that, well, the rest is history.

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